Introducing Madi

I think it's about time that I give you a formal introduction to the new little one in our family. You know so many little details about little Chloe, that I think it's Madi's turn.

For those who don't know, she's my boyfriend's daughter that recently moved in with us full-time. 

She turned 2 near the end of January. 

She has an older (half) brother who's 3.5 that lives with her mother. 

I would describe her lately as happy. She has very few tantrums and meltdowns, finally. She's usually content playing by herself or with Chloe, or just watching tv. She wakes up cranky for the first couple of minutes, but is pretty happy for the rest of the day, and usually goes to bed pretty easily. She's easy to get along with through meal time and bath time. She listens a lot better to me when I say no now. She doesn't seem to listen as well to her father, but she spends more time with me. 

In the past couple of months she's started speaking a ton. All kinds of things: Dora, Pikachu, outside, tv are just some of the random things. She can also put a few words together now like "Chloe outside". It's awesome seeing her learn so much. 

She used to be a super picky eater, but we've finally managed to get her eating everything on her plate, as long as it's something she likes. She used to just eat meat and ignore the veggies but now she'll eat all of it. She hates pasta and won't even try cheese though. 

She fits into mostly size 3 clothes. Some size 2 and some size 4. She's in size 6 or 7 shoes. 

She's changed so much in the past couple of months, and all for the better, it seems. She's happier and easier to get along with. I know all days won't be like this, but for now I'm enjoying it. 

Plus, it's kind of fun having two little girls to dress up.

The Story of How I Got Engaged.

If you're not following me on Instagram, then surprise! 

It happened on Sunday, June 9th. I'll never forget the date because later we laughed that it was the 9th day of the 6th month. 69. 

The day started off like many others - I was alone all day while Eric worked and the girls were with their other parents. Chloe came home early, and since Eric had the car, he decided to leave work early so we could do something with the girls. Our first plan didn't work out, so we went to the park. Since it had rained all day Saturday, the park wasn't fit for playing so we pushed them on the swings and then went home. 

But while we were at the park, he asked if he could take the car for a little while later. He wanted to pick something up. He was being very vague and annoying (as usual) as to what or who he was picking up, and said it would benefit at least 2 out of the 4 of us. 

Um, what? 

Naturally, I thought he was picking us up food of some sort. 

I was especially thrown off, because he gave me the option of him going right after supper, or him going after the girls went to bed. All major stores are closed at 5pm. He said if I tried to talk him into going later, he would've just gotten flowers and got the ring the next day or something. 

His drive was very quick. When he came back, he was sneaky and went upstairs, telling me not to follow. He came back down, and few minutes later went back up.  This time, I had to change my shirt for some reason so I went up. I didn't really look at what he was doing, but he was in front of our safe. That was when it first crossed my mind that he might have a ring. But then I figured that probably wasn't it. 

We put the girls to bed and I headed to the couch and played Candy Crush. (So addicting) He wanted to get my attention away from the phone so he called me into the kitchen to find a snack. Finally, I went in. He started being all weird. Asking me "How much do you love me...Would you love me if..." and so on. For the first minute or so I thought he was just being his weird self. Eventually he got down on one knee and popped the actual question, pulling a ring out of his pocket. 

And I couldn't believe it. My first response was probably "Are you serious?" and eventually I was like "Yes...?" I was just dumbfounded. And that's how it happened. We spent the next little while laying on the couch together talking and looking at the ring. Eventually we called his mom, and later mine. I still didn't believe it was real. But that's how it happened. 

And now I'm engaged.

My Own Mind Is Making Me Crazy: Anxiety Attacks

It's no secret that my biggest fear is of throwing up. A few months ago (February) when Chloe and Eric came down with the flu, my phobia got a little out of hand and I have yet to recover. I'm starting to realize that my phobia has turned into something a little bigger, and isn't just fueled by the phobia itself. 

Anxiety & anxiety attacks. 

I knew I had panic attacks from time to time if I thought I was going to throw up. Those panic attacks were great for making me feel the symptoms, and go so far as to almost get sick over it. 

I am beyond those occasional panic attacks now. 

I have frequent anxiety attacks, and I've changed. Completely. It took me a long time to realize it was all related. 

I know the biggest cause of it is stress. I don't exercise, and I don't eat well, but I've always been  that way. Stress, and the huge life change of taking in Madi and dealing with her mother are all new. And the anxiety attacks got worse around that time. 

I'm not overly secretive about it. Most people know of my fear, and Eric has seen for himself how often it seems to hit me lately but he seems to brush it off a little. I don't talk to anyone else enough to even mention it. 

The fact of it is - I'm constantly worried about getting sick. I almost constantly feel 'sick' or 'off' in some way; whether it be a headache, slight stomachache, extreme tiredness. I almost never feel fine. My appetite has taken a huge hit. Sometimes I eat fine, sometimes I can barely eat. 

I'm irritable. All the time. 

At first I blamed that on various problems and stress in my life, but it seems to be more than that. I get so annoyed or so angry at the drop of a hat. I can't get myself to relax. I have no patience. It's not all the time, but it takes almost nothing to trigger a bad mood. 

I have zero interest in most of my hobbies. 

I can't even enjoy lazing around on the couch without my mind going crazy. 

I've been told (by local strangers actually) that giving up caffeine and exercise would probably help. That might be the first thing I try. There's not much else I can do without looking into actual medical help. 

I can't get out of the house - Eric is literally the only 'friend' I have these days, and with Madi's mom the way she is, we need to find a babysitter if we want to leave the house without children. We can't afford a babysitter, and our families live an hour away. We're stuck. 

I'm stuck. 

My own mind is driving me crazy. 

The saddest part of this all, is that I've heard anxiety attacks are super common among women, especially moms. I just wish I didn't have to be one of many. 

Mother's Intuition

Mother's intuition is kind of weird. Amazing, yet weird. 

Chloe was pretty cranky yesterday evening. I knew she didn't have the best day at daycare - she didn't sleep well because of her cough and didn't like what they had for lunch so she barely ate - so I figured she was more than ready for bed. 

She seemed 'off' and a little warm when she woke up shortly after. She woke up because her cup had leaked and she was soaked, but I had a feeling something else was bothering her too. She ended up sleeping through the night after that. 

She seemed okay this morning until I wouldn't let her play with my keys. That meltdown lasted until I left daycare. 

She didn't want to stay at daycare at all. She cried, hugged, wanted to stay with me. It kind of breaks your heart. She hasn't done this since October/November. I didn't feel right about it. 

Lo and behold, the daycare called me just before 10:30am to tell me she had a slight fever, and asked if they should give her Tylenol, which I agreed to. They said they'd call back in a half hour if she needed to be picked up. It's been an hour, so I hope that means she's okay now. 

I'm hoping it's just teething. I'll have to try to inspect her mouth tonight. 

But I knew it! I knew all along something was 'off'. 

I'm planning on leaving work a little early today, just to have more time at home with both girls tonight. Our lives have been a little too hectic lately since Eric lost his car. 

10 Things I Will Never Do

1. Make friends with a spider or similar insect.

2. Send my daughter to live with someone else. 

3. Say the words "I'll have mine with onions."

4. Say the words "Hell yeah, I'd love to change that diaper!"

5. Let my children go without something they need.

6. Think I have too much money. Ever. 

7. Want to give up coffee, although I think it would be a health benefit. 

8. Wish I could be a full-time stay at home Mom. I need that break from the kids. 

9. Hate online shopping. Or any shopping. Shopping for cleaner gives me a 'shopping high' sometimes. 

10. Hate baby clothes and baby shoes. Never.

I've been seeing a new link party floating around (mostly just on Shelley's blog) about Never Will I Ever, so I'm stealing the idea even though I'm two days late to the party. What will you never do?